lift woes

This week has been characterised by quite a few depressing moments but this afternoon seems to be the winner.I had gone to workers house to deliver something i had promised to give to a client and one of the things i love about this place are the lifts,not only  coz they help me do maalo but as it goes up i feel like am conquering the world. so i usually get a nice spot at the extreme end,and drink it all in.

But today,i take this one and am the only girl amoung 10 men between the ages of 35 and 55.This is why i wasnt happy.

one had a bad case of halitosis(yeah yeah,big word) and he kept talking until he got out at 14th floor.Thats 14 flooors of bad breath.

Number two was heavy set man with killer kabuzi AKA B.O.He got out on the 7th floor.

The third, i can only suspect coz i know it wasnt me, decided this was the best place to release some gas.No kidding.

And that was my halitosis,BO,gas filled afternoon.How was yours?

befriending

i believe the luganda/runyankore equivalent is ‘kukwana’. I was heading over to a clients office yesto and i sat next to this dude who devised this totally ridiculous strat to ‘befriend’ me.Just as i was about to take a seat,someone jumped out of the taxi and this dude moved all the way from the back to the seat i intended to take up so we became seat mates. now i had spent a considerable amount of time listening to life house the past week and most of the songs got stuck in my head ,so i closed my eyes and listened to the voices in my head.

I had this do not disturb,mind at work look on my face but this mister couldnt be deterred.He kept staring and when he couldnt do it anymore he finally said hello and i said hello.I wish i had said something like so

mister: hello

me:same to you

Am sure that would have ended the conversation quick. I didnt.His next line

mister :How was your day?

me : its about 10:40am so am just experiencing the day and i can barely describe it in the past tense.That is what i wanted to say, but what came out was- okay.

we are getting to the climax of this episode.

Dude keeps quite for 30 seconds,reaches for something in his pocket,i had my eyes closed but i could hear the sound of something being unwrapped.

He offers me some.The look on my face must have said it all.

what the heck was this guy thinking!

i looked on in disbelief as he kept saying it’s okay,its just chocolate.(like the  Chinese one being hawked in the park)

Now I’ve heard the eclair stories but for the life of me i couldn’t believe guys actually did this stuff.for reyo reyo

i politely told him i don’t eat sweet things.He didn’t bother me again.

Now off to the topic that seems to be getting alot of coverage in the bloghood as i prefer to call it.

marriage. i have friends who are married,friends’s friends that are married and those who are almost married.

Its  like the top thing on their agenda the moment one leaves campus.So when the rest of us who are not yet there get together somehow the topic comes up again with more revelations of who got married and who is due.When i meet old friends in town the first thing they look at is whether my finger is dressed. if its naked  they give you all the names they can think of all their single friends,cousins,brothers.

With the numbers i have accumulated,am sure i can hook all you single ladies up.Not for free though.This love business is tight.

I have  gotten loads of advice on what kind of man to marry and the one to avoid at all costs. This guy once told me not to marry any dude who was below 25 because guys below that age are no where ready to take on the responsiblity that marriage brings no matter what they might be telling you. its kinda like defilement, feel free to agree or disagree.

The guy who told me happens to be an ex.

He’s engaged.

Just another person  i know who is getting married. I bet this is not the last time i will be jazzing about this topic,watch out for me and denzel….yep that very one.

fond memories

i remember songs that would give our Ugandan stars a run for their money.They didn’t have to make sense,you just sang along.You didn’t have to hit any notes,just belt what your mama gave you as loud as your tiny lungs could hold.

Every kid in the neighbourhood had distribution rights,no copyrights needed.

Shows were held wherever wide,dust ridden, parents forbidden,territories lay,before adoring peers we sang.

bublygunbublygun number 21i went for a walk but now i stop underblechi,bulluuuuueband abye bye 0,

a 0.0 is a one,a one under

iyamu a girl  dis is da action i musti do

salute for the king and bend to the queen

a one a two…

This is the part where i say Dj,koona dem anada tyme,track no.2

sipolingi sipolingi my faza lumbe lumbe simula simula eeeh

enjoye mama

eri kuzaala

akaana katoto

kafurango

To this day,i dont know what those songs meant.Do you?

dejavu

Time check:7:30am

Day : Monday

Looking through the kitchen window,i Knew what the boy was feeling.He wanted to leave for school but his young brother and sis were delaying him.He must have been in Primary Six and they in P1 and P2.

He walks out of the house,hollers and lil’ sis follows,young bro has other ideas.He keeps darting back into the house,big brother is pissed and shouts at lil sis to go get him.she fails. Big bro is pissed walks away hoping the lil rascal would get back his senses and follow but waaah the Kid doesnt feel like going to school.

Time check:7:45pm.He knows he is going to be late for school but he would rather be late than face his mother’s wrath for having left his bro behind. lil’ sis watches on helplessly.

Same scenario,different year.

Dont know how that ended but i can take a pretty good guess.Big bro dragged the rascal by his ears to school amidst ear piercing screams and a hell lot of i hate yous.

something totally unrelated

How do you tell in a crowd any where in the world that a certain bunch is Ugandan?

My answer : tell a joke,

At the end of the laughter,

listen for the uuuululating and the aaaahhhhhhhhhhh.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

On my way to Ntinda on Sunday, i came across a sign post on the house just near the Ntinda medical center that said, “the dogs in this compound have rabies,enter at your own risk” and trust ugandans they were all over that compound and had made a nice little path on the grass.  Then it hit me,may be the owner was trying to keep out other dogs.

Peer Pressure

I thougt that word only applied when your influenced to do things like drugs,alcohol,sex etc  Juvenile stuff  but wapi after prolonged debate over when peer pressure starts and when it stops,the field got a lil wider.Here a few examples,

In nursery school or Primary school when all the girls would ask to go to the bathroom almost at the same time,from where they would show each other and ask what color,that was peer pressure

when you told those unbelievable fibs about your dad being Bill Gates and how you owned a submarine at your house,peer pressure

when you demanded your parents buy you the latest school bag,shoes,pencil,pen etc,peer pressure

Your overwhelming need to attend the school dance,peer pressure

overwhelming need to done designer clothes,flashiest phone,etc etc peer pressure

when that 50something dude parks his car at campu to pick the 20something chick,peer pressure

when all your friends are getting married and you , your just there,peer pressure

when your mama is asking for her grandkids because all her buddies have them,she has peer pressure.

feel free to add to the list.

missing things

I didn’t go for the show. missed it. From what i hear, it was ballistic. In the taxi on my way to work, even the dude on CBS said it. Did i hear any one say the good things in life are free?

I miss primary school. The school canteen in particular. Yesterday, i got all sorts of cravings. The things i wanted, you could only find back then. So i miss the school canteen, there i could get my kalodo and something i can only describe as a rice ball,cant remember what we called it then. The ripe mangoes with  lots of curry powder sold at the school gate only after school. What about balaafu, glorious balaafu.

In the taxi on my way from church on Sunday, i saw it. Now i dont really have much of a sweet tooth,but i wanted it. Not any other brand but that particular one.  I bought it, unwrapped it, took a bite and it still tasted the same. Back then it was 250/=, now its 200/=. After 10 years, i ate Riham. Now, am off to look for munchies.

I paid my old primary school a visit early last year,the canteen was still in the exact same spot but i didn’t check out what was being sold.

oh, if any one knows where i could get cones like the ones they sell bimbo ( i wonder about the genesis of this name) ice cream in, please give me directions.

Lady in waiting

I do not want to be the one, who will say, i wasnt there when jazz came to town. I have crossed my fingers,tied a few blades of grass,with a child like faith and still i havent gat tickets so am a lady in waiting for that good and noble one who i will kindly and in my most nicest voice ask to show meee theee tickets! If all  fails,i will look for a map of Muyonyo and i shall discover interesting ways of attending without paying. Bid me luck my friends.

Independence

She was officially acknowledged on 9th October I962. I came to know about her in my History Class, Back then it was SST. I was told she was the most beautiful of them all, small as she was compared to her other sisters. Ky in the east, Sudan(I believe she calls her sudi) in the North,Congo in the west, and TZ in the south.Her other sister in the South west,Rwanda, is much smaller.

She has lots of children going back 100 of years.She calls all her babies Ugandans.She must love them so.They call her Uganda.The teacher also told me that one of her babies composed a song just for her,all the other babies sing this song up to today.

Uganda,she is Quite something.Despite all she has been through,she is still here,having more babies.Some of her children are as old as you and me,others, my parents and your parents,their parents,their parents parents.Others,well she has lost.

Her sisters all over the world praise her,they say her children are the most friendly.They also say some bad things about her children,shameful things,some are true,some aren’t.

Her heart aches when she hears about such things but she stills stands,with hope for the next generation.I told you she is still having children.

So on her Birth Day this Thursday,i will salute her too.Though i dont have the same excitement as back then when i wanted to watch the celebrations on UTV the whole day.I loved the goose march,that Police band,and listening to all the patriotic songs. Some of the poems were plain Hilarious.They were recited  in a type of English derived from another Language.My teacher called it Mother Tongue interference.My University Lecturer Disagreed,he called it First Language Interference.

We all love to be independent.We Cant wait to leave our parents nest and pave our own destiny,Do our own thing ,to make our own mistakes.

Am sure she  felt the same way, tired of of living by another’ s terms,not owning her own body.Well that day came 46 years ago.They let her go but made sure she would still go back.

She still goes back,to get aid for her children.

Happy Independence to y’all.

People and Personalities

I have that kind of personality.My typical day can go like so.I get up and prepare myself for work hoping i wont be late again. I live in Bukoto and every time i get to the stage,the one near the church, the taxi dudes play this annoying game.I stand at point A, they stop at point B. So i switch to B, fools stop at A. Like a nice lil girl i go back to A, too late there’s a new stop at C. I flex to get a taxi like a typical dont own a ride ugandan and before i can sigh in relief am stuck in nerve wrecking traffic starting at the stage,Kiira Road,Mulago way  up to my stop at Wandegeya. Judging from the amount of traffic at that Bukoto stage,am sure the traffic dudes send their trainees for internship at the spot.

Back to my personality thingees,(yep i use that word) People seem to find it easy to narrate their woes to me.I step out of my door, My neighbour tells me about how someone stole his car mirrors,and how he has no money for fuel etc etc, chic at the supermarket says Hi and says how am Rost yet i see her every morning,i just dont buy as much as i used to, I get into the taxi and the lady am sitting next to starts telling me how galos ovu nowadays dont have Nsonyi and how in those days….(am sure you have heard this part).Meanwhile in the back two young ladies are telling eachother about their men.

Yellow Chic(Yellow is all i can see,headband,top,bangles,earrings,necklace,shoes):I have a new special friend.

Other Chic: I also have many of those.Can you imagine Peter wants me to go out with me,mbu to treat me nicely.The Gu-man nga gumanyira.Ate am going to say yesi,He takes me to the weekend.The gu-man can kwekaza ,Wama you come alongo and you eati porka. So whoiz your friend

Yellow Chic: Donald. He called my number asking for a girl called Bridget.I told him i was Maria and i didnt know any Bridget,and that he called a wrong number.He kept calling saying it is the number he was given. After a month, when he called we started to talk.He works in Jinja and He was coming to Kampala .He did not know many people so he asked if i could show him nice places.We met and went out from Friday to Sunday when he went to Jinja.We now call each other special friend.Can you imagine. eeeh eeh we have reached conductor maso awo.

Am almost at wandegs and no sooner had this new chic sat than she started telling me zibs about her hubby.She told me about how they met,the birth of their first kid,a boy called Titus.

Of late her hubby had changed.She had tried everthing and now he was starving her………………….It had nothing to do with food.

At this point,we had gotten to my stop and i was never happier to see Wandegs.And may i add, I was late.

I get on a  Bajaj wishing i could slow down time,i Hear the bajaj dude say Wama madam,abantu babaaki,I look up and tell the Big Man not to be mad if i start charging by the hour better still long or short. Apparently,the passenger before me asked the bajaj guy to take him from Jinja Road to Wandegs and later to Nakulabye all for 1000/=.When the dude dropped him off at Wandegs he was abused and almost unpaid.The bajaj dude  lamented ,”and people call aba boda bad”. And all the guilty say……..

where were you when it rained

Saturday,I hadn’t got drenched like that in a long time. At first i thought i would wait it out so i took shelter on some Restaurant’s verandah with a friend. One hour later it hadn’t and the moment we tried to head out ,it became heavier.Later it lessened or so we thought and we headed to our respective homes. Childhood memories of playing butt naked in the rain came flooding back. Almost did it again. I only stopped cause i was on a  bajaj from Nakulabye to Wandegeya to curb a taxi to Bukoto and saint sanity demanded that i don’t.That bajaj ride was awesome,My hair was so wet that it straightened out to its full length and was all over my face. I couldn’t see clearly neither could the bajaj dude.Almost rammed into this corona whose driver decided to stop smack in the middle of the road around Full gosple.But gosh was i loving the rain.There’s something about it. It messes up plans, fills the streets with Mud,Freezes you, and yet it leaves me euphoric.

I got to the stage,No taxis,waited for a while,got more wet. Eventually i got home at about 11pm. I was happy. My world was cleaner. Thanks to the rain.